"So," Ollie says, throwing his hands open and puffing hard on his cigar. His rings catch the light and glitter and glint and he snaps his fingers a few times at Dick, who's whispering 'sparkly!' to himself all glassy-eyed. "Focus! We need some Real Hot Shit to get outta this fourth place position we've fallen into. And I want ideas! Come on, we can't have mined out all your dirty fantasies yet!"
"We could do one where I get gangbanged by a group of handsome CEOs..." Dick starts and everybody groans.
"Do you do ANY flicks where you don't get ganged by a bunch of old dudes?" Rose rolls her eye. Dick scowls at her. "You're one to talk!" he says accusingly. "All you do is pirate movies!"
"I'm fuckin' GREAT in those pirate movies!" Rose snarls. "And I have those other movies too. Where I'm that chick from Kill Bill. And the one where I'm Mad Eye Horny."
"Yeah let's not bring those up," Ollie cuts her off hastily. The magic school full of nubile pervs is a good movie, but somehow it ended up being released under its joke filming name of "Dongwarts" and nobody caught it until it was too late. Kate is still dealing with the litigation from the school district in Indiana that mistakenly bought forty copies for its middle-school hygiene classes. "Zauriel, pal, surely YOU have some ideas! You're the most depraved person in here!"
"Sure I got ideas!" Zauriel leaps from his chair, beaming. "We could do one where Zatanna is a spy and she does a sexy dance where she's covered in post-its and strategically removes them and then does nasty things to somebody with a can of spray cheese! And one where Guy is thinking about getting ass implants but the rest of his football team convinces him not to by buggering him and then they win the Superbowl and Guy mounts the coach right there on the 50 yard line! And one where Clark is a parcel deliveryman and he has this package--"
"These are all 'great' ideas," Candy interrupts, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "but why don't we do more girl-on-girl pictures? They always sell and they're not as gross to make." She lolls her tongue out at Kyle for some reason when she says this, covering him in confusion (which is perhaps why she does it).
"I'm for that," Diana declares, then stands up and leaves. The others stare after her for a moment wondering what the hell just happened, until Ollie claps to refocus them. None of this so far has sounded like the elusive Real Hot Shit he's after. "Maybe I should break out the big dogs," he sighs, "and come out of retirement--"
Another groan makes the rounds. "Oliver," Kate says, "we keep telling you. Nobody watches that kind of corny melodramatic bodice-ripper porn anymore. And no offense, sweetie, but you haven't exactly kept yourself in camera ready condition."
"Look, maybe I put on a few pounds--"
Mar'i re-crosses her legs. "And every last inch of you's covered in hair. Nobody goes for the natural look! That shit doesn't sell unless we do movies about bears!"
"Ooooh!" Dick perks up, and Ollie thunders, "We're NOT doing movies about bears, goddammit!"
"Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?"
The group looks over at the doorway, where their new blonde virginal temp is standing, looking perky and holding a notepad. "Hi!" she chirps. "I'm Bette, the new temp? I'm looking forward to starting work today! Except one thing -- this is a clothing company, right? Juicy Couture? Where's all the logo sweatpants and stuff?"
"Oh, we don't..." Dick begins, then trails off as Bette turns to look at him, hearts visibly springing into her eyes. "We don't actually--"
"Yeah, sweatpants, they're all being made at the factory, kiddo," Ollie gets up and goes over to Bette, steering her back through the doorway. "Make us a pot'a coffee, there's a good girl." He shuts the door behind her and rubs his hands together, grinning. "So!" he says. "Which one'a my precious little stars is good at pretending to be a lovestruck virgin who accidentally gets hired at a porn studio?"
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real hot shit
Date: 2013-03-22 04:43 pm (UTC)"We could do one where I get gangbanged by a group of handsome CEOs..." Dick starts and everybody groans.
"Do you do ANY flicks where you don't get ganged by a bunch of old dudes?" Rose rolls her eye. Dick scowls at her. "You're one to talk!" he says accusingly. "All you do is pirate movies!"
"I'm fuckin' GREAT in those pirate movies!" Rose snarls. "And I have those other movies too. Where I'm that chick from Kill Bill. And the one where I'm Mad Eye Horny."
"Yeah let's not bring those up," Ollie cuts her off hastily. The magic school full of nubile pervs is a good movie, but somehow it ended up being released under its joke filming name of "Dongwarts" and nobody caught it until it was too late. Kate is still dealing with the litigation from the school district in Indiana that mistakenly bought forty copies for its middle-school hygiene classes. "Zauriel, pal, surely YOU have some ideas! You're the most depraved person in here!"
"Sure I got ideas!" Zauriel leaps from his chair, beaming. "We could do one where Zatanna is a spy and she does a sexy dance where she's covered in post-its and strategically removes them and then does nasty things to somebody with a can of spray cheese! And one where Guy is thinking about getting ass implants but the rest of his football team convinces him not to by buggering him and then they win the Superbowl and Guy mounts the coach right there on the 50 yard line! And one where Clark is a parcel deliveryman and he has this package--"
"These are all 'great' ideas," Candy interrupts, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "but why don't we do more girl-on-girl pictures? They always sell and they're not as gross to make." She lolls her tongue out at Kyle for some reason when she says this, covering him in confusion (which is perhaps why she does it).
"I'm for that," Diana declares, then stands up and leaves. The others stare after her for a moment wondering what the hell just happened, until Ollie claps to refocus them. None of this so far has sounded like the elusive Real Hot Shit he's after. "Maybe I should break out the big dogs," he sighs, "and come out of retirement--"
Another groan makes the rounds. "Oliver," Kate says, "we keep telling you. Nobody watches that kind of corny melodramatic bodice-ripper porn anymore. And no offense, sweetie, but you haven't exactly kept yourself in camera ready condition."
"Look, maybe I put on a few pounds--"
Mar'i re-crosses her legs. "And every last inch of you's covered in hair. Nobody goes for the natural look! That shit doesn't sell unless we do movies about bears!"
"Ooooh!" Dick perks up, and Ollie thunders, "We're NOT doing movies about bears, goddammit!"
"Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?"
The group looks over at the doorway, where their new blonde virginal temp is standing, looking perky and holding a notepad. "Hi!" she chirps. "I'm Bette, the new temp? I'm looking forward to starting work today! Except one thing -- this is a clothing company, right? Juicy Couture? Where's all the logo sweatpants and stuff?"
"Oh, we don't..." Dick begins, then trails off as Bette turns to look at him, hearts visibly springing into her eyes. "We don't actually--"
"Yeah, sweatpants, they're all being made at the factory, kiddo," Ollie gets up and goes over to Bette, steering her back through the doorway. "Make us a pot'a coffee, there's a good girl." He shuts the door behind her and rubs his hands together, grinning. "So!" he says. "Which one'a my precious little stars is good at pretending to be a lovestruck virgin who accidentally gets hired at a porn studio?"