No Best Friend of Mine, Bruce + Damian

Date: 2013-03-21 11:02 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Bruce and Talia get a dog.

"If I ever hear you refer to him as our 'furkid' I will leave him in the nearest ravine," Bruce intones direly as Talia hugs and strokes the collie. She kisses the top of its head.

"We shall call him Damian, and he will sleep on our bed," Talia declares as if she hadn't even heard him. Bruce harrumphs.

"On the bench at the foot of the bed," he clarifies. Talia makes an impressed noise as the dog lifts its paw to shake her hand. "I will put a special blanket on the bed for him," she continues, and Bruce finally says, "...he'll stay outside when we make love?"

Talia looks away from the dog for a half-second, only long enough to roll her eyes at him, before going back to cozzening and canoodling their new pet-slash-interloper. If Bruce didn't know better, he'd say Damian looked triumphant.

++ == ++

Mealtimes are especially aggravating. Bruce tries to set some ground rules - the dog can only eat in the mudroom, from his own dishes, and only at his own feeding times in the morning and evening. But by the end of the week, Damian is sitting on a chair next to Talia as she converses with it with more animation and interest than she's ever shown when he talks about creating a more inert char on Nomex or deferment of capital gains taxes.

"I believe I've found a way to make our decel cords indestructible except for a compound that only we will know the chemical composition of," Bruce attempts. Talia makes a kissing noise at Damian and feeds him a morsel of tagine lamb.

"Last night I thoroughly disobeyed the laws of thermonuclear dynamics," he says two mornings after. "How nice," Talia says while Damian puts his sleek head into her lap and eats morsels of bacon that she selects for him.

"I'm ready to try that scenario that you mentioned on our wedding night," Bruce says desperately near the end of the week. Alfred brings out a silver platter with specially-shaped pate treats on it, and watches with obvious pleasure when Talia claps in delight and feeds them to Damian one by one.

Bruce gives Alfred a dirty look as the man passes him on the way back to the kitchen. "Really, Master Bruce," Alfred sniffs. "This is even more childish than the time you became jealous of the walk-in cold pantry."

Damian woofs under the table, and the other two laugh gaily. Bruce clenches his fists.

++ == ++

Clark and Oliver have, separately, informed Bruce that he will warm to the dog unexpectedly at some point. They both said this while holding their own human babies, Oliver dandling his daughter on his knee and Clark circulating the triplets along his crooked elbows, both with the same indulgent sound to their voices and warm, amused smiles.

Bruce is starting to despairingly think that perhaps having a human baby would have been better than getting the dog.

He avoids it, which is ridiculous, and he feels ridiculous creeping past a doorway and seeing Damian lift his pretty, long-nosed head, looking towards the door with clear-eyed alertness. Bruce's one tiny victory in all this is that Talia soon found she didn't like the feel of a heavy dog on her feet at night, so now Damian sleeps on the foot bench. On his special blanket. Laughing.

This is reaching absurd proportions, Bruce tells himself as he practically runs down the stairs into the cave. Get it together, man. Stop projecting all of these feelings onto a mindless animal-

Damian is standing in the cave, wagging his feathery tail and looking at Bruce.

"How did you get in here," Bruce asks, so horrified that he can't even inflect his sentence. Damian instantly turns and leads Bruce on a merry trail through fissures and crags that it takes all Bruce's contortion training to get through. They reach a shallow, wide underground stream at one point and Damian pauses to make sure Bruce is following before grimly trotting through the freezing water. Bruce stares after him and then at the stream. Damian had been dry, in the cave. He had probably leapt nimbly from stone to stone to cross the stream; Bruce has seen Damian do it with Talia on walks. But now, in front of Bruce's eyes, he marched through the cold water.

When they emerge from a crooked opening obscured by a drooping exposed tree root, man and dog look at each other for a long, long moment. Damian holds his tail straight and erect, his wet nose quivering.

"Do you enjoy strawberries?" Bruce says eventually. The dog's tail wags.

Re: No Best Friend of Mine, Bruce + Damian

Date: 2013-03-22 12:29 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
SO CUTE, and omg the triplets!

Re: No Best Friend of Mine, Bruce + Damian

Date: 2013-03-22 03:02 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
adorable!!! OP here and i love it! Damian as a dog is perfect and adorable and wonderful and puppyyyyyyy! and AHAHAHAHA poor Bruce!



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